We know that most part of the problems in marriage come with the extended family. Sometimes the groom’s family think they can use the new bride as their maid, sometimes they think they can give her orders or tell her how to live her life, take care of her home and family or even raise her kids. Other times, the husband doesn’t feel his wife is being submissive and obedient enough to his family, that she is not serving them enough or properly, or just feels uncomfortable with the fact that she has opinions, habits, ways of doing things and personality that are different of his family’s, specially, his mother. Actually, some of them have some problem in understanding that his wife is just not his mother! This all shows only a difficulty in dealing with different kinds of relationships, a lack of knowledge of the scriptures and real traditions, and a lack of education of these men and their family.
The scriptures make very clear what is the position of the bride in relation to the groom’s family so that anyone who has at least a little education will know how to behave properly with the bride and then won’t spoil a new marriage, that is such a delicate relationship in which the couple need time to get adjusted to each other and the changes at their own lives, what means they need time to themselves without other’s interference.
Thus, the Rig Veda (10.85.27) says: “Happy be thou and prosper with thy children here; be vigilant to rule thy household, in this home”. Women who give up their right and duty to rule their household are irreligious, since they are going against the scriptures, and they are also being responsible for the destruction of the real family sctructure as it is supposed to be, and they are destroying their own traditions. Besides, their main duty that is to keep religious principals as they are and teach that to their kids is also not being met. Giving up these rights and duties mean to raise kids who will also develop the same incorrect behavior and will also suffer in their own relationships since they got such a bad exemple at home. Girls will be raised beliving that they have no rights and boys will grow up beliving that they can lord over their wives and that will, in both cases, result in unhealthy relationships and unhappy families. Women should be happy at their home. To get used to be treated as an object to satisfy the husband and his family is not happiness. One can get used to anything in this life! Women who just pretend to be happy to avoid problems and women who accept not to be properly honored are causing the falldown of their families, and all the religious rites performed by them become nothing according to the scriptures. Due to their kind heart, humble nature and, sometimes, due to improper education and examples they had at home, women feel that they don’t have the right to be honored, or feel they are being selfish if they do things their way or to themselves, or think it’s wrong not to agree with the husband and his family all the time. But, actually, this behavior is irresponsible, escapist and irreligious, and that’s what actually puts in danger the entire society, since the society’s future is the children, and these children are learning from their mothers’ teachings and actions.
Someone can think: “but the husband is like God for his wife”. But we shouldn’t forget that the wife is the Godess of the fortune for the husband. And although we see women treating their husbands like God, how hard it is to find husbands who treat their wives as they treat their fortune! We should understand that this is a statement for the couples to take as an exemple the wonderful harmonious relationship between Visnu and Laksmi, Radha and Krsna, Siva and Parvati, and so on. We see so much respect between them! God is the mainteiner, the one who loves, protects, forgives, understands. But when it comes to His representation in man-woman relationship, He becomes the bad boss. Although people talk to God in a close informal way, these representatives of God, the husbands, can’t take that the wife speaks their holy name, since she’s so much inferior and their relationship is not a close one as the relationship God has with his devotees! That makes me think that either these people are not really being like God to their wives or they just have no information about Him, and then they can’t represent Him!
Krsna begs for Radha to let him put his head over her feet, Siva and Parvati are half and half of the same body, and she even seated on his lap while who was speaking about religion to a great assembly of saints. We always see him hugging her when they are with their kids, as we see Radha and Krsna playing together. It’s not that they don’t show any kind of personal intimate relationship or feelings, or that they show a boss and his obedient slave. How strange it is that parents don’t even hold hands or speak caring words in front of their kids, since these demonstrations of love and relationships based in deep feelings are considered improper, while they can seat in front a TV and see bollywood girls doing sexual movements with indecent clothes and orgasm faces! A kiss is improper, hold hands is improper. A camera close under skirts and scenes of man seated with many semi-naked women passing their hands all over his body are not. Feelings are censured. People portrayed as sexual objects is allowed.
Back to the point of woman’s position in the husband’s family, the famous marriage hymn (10.85) calls upon members of the husband’s family to treat the daughter in law (invited into the family 'as a river enters the sea') as the queen samrajni. Actually, the Atharva (14.1.20), states: Hey wife! Become the queen and manager of everyone in the family of your husband.
It doesn’t say she should be submissive till she conquers their heart; it doesn’t say she should wait till she gets old for her to have some recognition; it doesn’t say she has to do all the duties at home following someone else’s order, as a maid would do.
From the Rig Veda 10.85.46 we have: “Be a queen to your father-in-law; be a queen to your mother-in-law; be a queen to your husband's sister, be a queen to your husnad's brothers ( SamrA~Jni svasurE bhava ; samrA~jni svasravam bhava; nanAndhAri samra~jni bhava;samrA~jni adhi dEvrushu ).
When Ganga was throwing her babies in the water, no one from her husband’s side stopped her. There are no stories from Yasoda or Devaki telling Krsna’s wives what to do at their homes. There are no stories of Balaram giving orders to Krsna wives either. Our own parents and our partner’s parents and family should always be respected. But the main structure of a family is mather, father and kids. If this structure can not exist in peace due to influence of the family from any side, that is just not right. Parents are supposed to have more knowledge, so they should know their grown-up kids need to have some intimate life with their partners. They should understand the needs and wills of a new wife. After so much muslim influence, maybe the parents, specially the mother, was not treated properly in her own marriage, and in this case she should understand the mistakes and not try to make them also herself now that she has an opportunity. If someone didn’t have love in its marriage, the person should pray that others – his/her son, daughter, brother, sister – will have it, and try to understand the different level of relationship they can achieve. We shouldn’t respect only our elders, we should respect everyone. Even an animal should be respected. Everyone thinks they know very well how others should live their lives. But we should just try to act the way we think is right in our own lives and, about others, all we can do is to be ready for them if they need us.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
equality between men and women
Despite antiquity of Vedas, they preach the most modern and the most progressive thoughts. Woman enjoys high position at home as well as society according to Vedas. The Vedas make no distinction between men and women in their pursuit to acquire knowledge both physical and spiritual.
The yajur veda, 20.9, says: “There are equal rights for men and women to get appointed as ruler.” *
And the atharva veda, 14.2.71, says : “Hey wife! I am knowledgeable and you are also knowledgeable. If I am Samved then you are Rigved.”
Women and men are equal in the eyes of dharma: “O women! These mantras are given to you equally (as to men). May your thoughts, too, be harmonious. May your assemblies be open to all without discrimination. Your mind and consciousness should be harmonious. I (the rishi) give you these mantras equally as to men and give you all and equal powers to absorb (the full powers) of these mantras.” Rigveda 10-191-3. **
The idea of equality was most forcibly expressed in the Rig Veda (Book 5, hymn 61. verse 8). The commentator explains this passage thus: "The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." No other Scripture of the world have ever given to the woman such equality with the man as the Vedas of the Hindus. ***
The Kama-sutra, although talk about all kinds of relationships, explain for those interested in doing their best in this world: “That should be known as a high connection when a man, after marrying a girl, has to serve her and her relations afterwards like a servant, and such a connection is censured by the good. On the other hand, that reproachable connection, where a man, together with his relations, lords it over his wife, is called a low connection by the wise. But when both the man and the woman afford mutual pleasure to each other, and when the relatives on both sides pay respect to one another, such is called a connection in the proper sense of the word. Therefore a man should contract neither a high connection by which he is obliged to bow down afterwards to his kinsmen, nor a low connection, which is universally reprehended by all.” It’s interesting to notice that the kind of relationship that one should look for is the one where there is equality and none of the two persons are the one who gives the orders and nor the other is the one who obeys, and that extend also to the families of both persons. But even if that happenes, a high conection is the one where the woman and her relatives are served, and the low conection is the one where the man and his relatives are served. And, about the relation where man serve women and her relatives, it says that it’s not good for the man. But the relation where the man lords over his wife and she has to obey him and his relatives is “universally reprehended by all”! Is that what we see in India today? Is this kind of relation reprehended by all, or people praise this kind of relationship and are very happy to see wives who are obedient and submissive to their husband’s and his family’s will?
That gives us more ideas about how the traditions are lost and the need to bring the real traditions back to life again. What we are doing nowadays should be reprehended by all!!!!****
* Agniveer – Women in Vedas - http://agniveer.com/vedas/women-in-vedas/
** Raghbendra Jha - Women and the Vedas - http://www.ivarta.com/columns/OL_070503.htm
*** Chinmay Bajekal - Vedism and modern ideals - http://www.ivarta.com/columns/OL_050116.htm
**** SriPedia - http://www.ibiblio.org/sripedia/cgi-bin/kbase/Vedas/Women’ *****http://www.gutenberg.org/files/27827/27827-h/27827-h.htm
The yajur veda, 20.9, says: “There are equal rights for men and women to get appointed as ruler.” *
And the atharva veda, 14.2.71, says : “Hey wife! I am knowledgeable and you are also knowledgeable. If I am Samved then you are Rigved.”
Women and men are equal in the eyes of dharma: “O women! These mantras are given to you equally (as to men). May your thoughts, too, be harmonious. May your assemblies be open to all without discrimination. Your mind and consciousness should be harmonious. I (the rishi) give you these mantras equally as to men and give you all and equal powers to absorb (the full powers) of these mantras.” Rigveda 10-191-3. **
The idea of equality was most forcibly expressed in the Rig Veda (Book 5, hymn 61. verse 8). The commentator explains this passage thus: "The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." No other Scripture of the world have ever given to the woman such equality with the man as the Vedas of the Hindus. ***
The Kama-sutra, although talk about all kinds of relationships, explain for those interested in doing their best in this world: “That should be known as a high connection when a man, after marrying a girl, has to serve her and her relations afterwards like a servant, and such a connection is censured by the good. On the other hand, that reproachable connection, where a man, together with his relations, lords it over his wife, is called a low connection by the wise. But when both the man and the woman afford mutual pleasure to each other, and when the relatives on both sides pay respect to one another, such is called a connection in the proper sense of the word. Therefore a man should contract neither a high connection by which he is obliged to bow down afterwards to his kinsmen, nor a low connection, which is universally reprehended by all.” It’s interesting to notice that the kind of relationship that one should look for is the one where there is equality and none of the two persons are the one who gives the orders and nor the other is the one who obeys, and that extend also to the families of both persons. But even if that happenes, a high conection is the one where the woman and her relatives are served, and the low conection is the one where the man and his relatives are served. And, about the relation where man serve women and her relatives, it says that it’s not good for the man. But the relation where the man lords over his wife and she has to obey him and his relatives is “universally reprehended by all”! Is that what we see in India today? Is this kind of relation reprehended by all, or people praise this kind of relationship and are very happy to see wives who are obedient and submissive to their husband’s and his family’s will?
That gives us more ideas about how the traditions are lost and the need to bring the real traditions back to life again. What we are doing nowadays should be reprehended by all!!!!****
* Agniveer – Women in Vedas - http://agniveer.com/vedas/women-in-vedas/
** Raghbendra Jha - Women and the Vedas - http://www.ivarta.com/columns/OL_070503.htm
*** Chinmay Bajekal - Vedism and modern ideals - http://www.ivarta.com/columns/OL_050116.htm
**** SriPedia - http://www.ibiblio.org/sripedia/cgi-bin/kbase/Vedas/Women’ *****http://www.gutenberg.org/files/27827/27827-h/27827-h.htm
Friday, October 23, 2009
women in the marriage
“(…)from AgnihOthram Sri RaamAnuja TatachAr's monograph on the Eternal relevance of VedAs (…) :" In the early years of marriage , love has a sexual importance. But with the advance of years, it mellows into a great attachment and affection . No one can disturb this mutual love. Marriage is not made for sexual purpose , BUT FOR A REAL UNITED LIFE .... The VedAs say that the wife is the only friend of her husband....Their comradeship is strengthened by day-to-day movements .She never claims superiority over her husband and she is never treated as inferior by her husband.She is the mistress of the house .... She is a real friend and closely follows her husband in the good and bad of domestic life and takes keen interest in his welfare.She also advises him at times. Smruthi following the direction given by the Vedas states clearly that it is the duty of a wife to correct the mistake of her husband ". *“For husband and wife, Vedas make mention of one word which means two masters of one house. Not only husband, but also his wife is equal owner of the house. Both enjoy the same prestige, power and position. None is subordinate to the other. To say that wife is servant or slave to husband is not okayed by Vedas.” What happens today is that men many times don’t have the corage to say that, but they act according to this. So that’s also not ok. To suppose that wife should obey her husband, touch his feet, don’t utter his name out of respect, is the very same thing of saying that the wife is inferior. So all these things are not ok! “The performance of yajna is considered to be complete only when both husband and wife sit together. Woman enjoys the same right as man, to study and preach the sublime philosophy of Vedas.According to Vedic religion, marriage is a union of two souls enjoying constant peace and prosperity at home. It entitles woman to enjoy permanent safety, security, serenity and sovereignty at home. (…)In accordance with Vedic religion, marriage ensures woman to be the wife and mistress at the house for full span of life of a hundred years. (…)Wedding ceremonies performed in accordance with Vedic religion bind the bride and bride-groom in spiritual ties of love and liberty, equality and integrity, purity and piety. They become one soul living in two bodies. Nuptial relations guaranteed by Vedic religion are based on spiritualism rather than materialism, love rather than lust.”
Let’s see some things that the Atharvaveda has to say about this subject: “Teach the husband ways of earning wealth. (7.46.3) “Protector of children, having definite knowledge, worth thousands of prayers and impressing all directions, O women, you accept prosperity. O wife of deserving husband, teach your husband to enhance wealth(Atharvaveda-Hindi Bhashya Part 1, Author: Kshemkarandas Trivedi, Sarvadeshik Arya Pratinidhi Sabha, Delhi, Page 804)”We can also quote the Rigveda: ”(...) I am the emblem, I am the head, I am supreme and now I dictate; my husband must conform to my will; rivals now I have none. (Atharvaveda 10/159/2)**
“The idea of equality is expressed in the Rig Veda: "The home has, verily, its foundation in the wife”,” The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." (RV 5, 61. 8) The wife was Pathni (the one who leads the husband through life), Dharmapathni (the one who guides the husband in dharma) and Sahadharmacharini (one who moves with the husband on the path of dharma). To sum up, one can say that the bride in the Vedic ideal of a household was far from unimportant and weak. She did have an important position in the family and yielded considerable influence.”***
Those who want a submissive obedient wife, who touch their feet, etc, are not foloowers of vedic culture and can not call themselves hindus. They are just following some muslim-old-fashioned-western-mix style. To respect and accept women and her choices, wishes and personality, is not to be modern. Just because some people see 3 or 4 generations before them acting in a chauvinistiv way they think that that is the traditional indian way of life, but nothing can be further from the truth. Real tradition comes from much before, when women were treated as equal to men, as we see in the picture of half Shiva and half Parvati as one person only. That is true indian culture.
*SriPedia - http://www.ibiblio.org/sripedia/cgi-bin/kbase/Vedas/Women
**http://www.omtemplenj.org/Woman%20in%20Bible.htm
*** http://ssubbanna.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/10/rig-veda-position-of-women-2-2.htm
Let’s see some things that the Atharvaveda has to say about this subject: “Teach the husband ways of earning wealth. (7.46.3) “Protector of children, having definite knowledge, worth thousands of prayers and impressing all directions, O women, you accept prosperity. O wife of deserving husband, teach your husband to enhance wealth(Atharvaveda-Hindi Bhashya Part 1, Author: Kshemkarandas Trivedi, Sarvadeshik Arya Pratinidhi Sabha, Delhi, Page 804)”We can also quote the Rigveda: ”(...) I am the emblem, I am the head, I am supreme and now I dictate; my husband must conform to my will; rivals now I have none. (Atharvaveda 10/159/2)**
“The idea of equality is expressed in the Rig Veda: "The home has, verily, its foundation in the wife”,” The wife and husband, being the equal halves of one substance, are equal in every respect; therefore both should join and take equal parts in all work, religious and secular." (RV 5, 61. 8) The wife was Pathni (the one who leads the husband through life), Dharmapathni (the one who guides the husband in dharma) and Sahadharmacharini (one who moves with the husband on the path of dharma). To sum up, one can say that the bride in the Vedic ideal of a household was far from unimportant and weak. She did have an important position in the family and yielded considerable influence.”***
Those who want a submissive obedient wife, who touch their feet, etc, are not foloowers of vedic culture and can not call themselves hindus. They are just following some muslim-old-fashioned-western-mix style. To respect and accept women and her choices, wishes and personality, is not to be modern. Just because some people see 3 or 4 generations before them acting in a chauvinistiv way they think that that is the traditional indian way of life, but nothing can be further from the truth. Real tradition comes from much before, when women were treated as equal to men, as we see in the picture of half Shiva and half Parvati as one person only. That is true indian culture.
*SriPedia - http://www.ibiblio.org/sripedia/cgi-bin/kbase/Vedas/Women
**http://www.omtemplenj.org/Woman%20in%20Bible.htm
*** http://ssubbanna.sulekha.com/blog/post/2007/10/rig-veda-position-of-women-2-2.htm
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