kama-sutra

Let’s take a look on what does Kama Sutra says about love and marriage.
“That should be known as a high connection when a man, after marrying a girl, has to serve her and her relations afterwards like a servant, and such a connection is censured by the good. On the other hand, that reproachable connection, where a man, together with his relations, lords it over his wife, is called a low connection by the wise. But when both the man and the woman afford mutual pleasure to each other, and when the relatives on both sides pay respect to one another, such is called a connection in the proper sense of the word. Therefore a man should contract neither a high connection by which he is obliged to bow down afterwards to his kinsmen, nor a low connection, which is universally reprehended by all.” I already wrote about this part of Kama Sutra few posts before. So, I’d just like to stress here once more the fact that what is considered a real relationship, a real conection, is when “both the man and the woman afford mutual pleasure to each other, and when the relatives on both sides pay respect to one another”. And also remind the reader that the kind of relationship where the husband rules over his wife is called a low conection, and “which is universally reprehended by all”, although unfortunately nowadays in India many uneducated people and so-called educated people still think that’s something good…
“A girl who is much sought after should marry the man that she likes, and whom she thinks would be obedient to her, and capable of giving her pleasure. But when from the desire of wealth a girl is married by her parents to a rich man without taking into consideration the character or looks of the bridegroom, or when given to a man who has several wives, she never becomes attached to the man, even though he be endowed with good qualities, obedient to her will, active, strong, and healthy, and anxious to please her in every way. A husband who is obedient but yet master of himself, though he be poor and not good looking, is better than one who is common to many women, even though he be handsome and attractive.” This is an interesting point. Of course women like men who are ready to do according to their will, but at the same time, it doesn’t mean that they want a kind of dog who doesn’t have their own wills and opinions. He should be the master of himself. It’s not expected that they should lose their personality and become like objects. Some people think women are always after money or beauty, but as it is confirmed here “A husband who is obedient but yet master of himself, though he be poor and not good looking, is better than one who is common to many women, even though he be handsome and attractive.” That is so because women can never develop a real conection with men who are also interested in other women. Nowadays hindu men don’t get married to more then one wife, but still many of them proudly show their attraction to other women, be it women on the strees or famous actresses, models, etc. For a woman who is sincere in her relationship with her husband, that’s not something easy to tolerate. A prove of that can be found in Atharva Veda, in a marriage hymn, where the bride says: “I envelop you with this robe, which was inherited from Manu, so that you may be mine alone, and never admire another one.” In this age that we live people are so degraded that many unacceptable things became common. And of them is men admiring women other then their own wife, as they were just sexual objects. So, some men may try to do or give everything for their wife and fail to understand why they are still not satisfied or don’t give them real love. They should check if they are loyal, then, what includes mentally loyal, since cheating is not necessarily a physical act.
Someone may find it strange that Kama Sutra is talking about such thing like a man being loyal to his wife, since there are so many part on the book that talk about relationships between the different wives of a same man or relationships with prostitutes or even how to cheat. But the author himself explains that the book talk about all kind of things that happen in love and sensual relationships and path of the satisfaction of the senses through sensual pleasure with the opposite sex. But he writes clearly that that doesn’t mean that those things are right. He talks about what is right but also about what is wrong. So, in the end of several parts, he explains the situation in detail, say how to satisfy oneself even if that is not something good, but finishes saying that a person should not do that. Similarly, in other part he says that what is being explained is good, is advisable, etc.
“The wives of rich men, where there are many wives, are not generally attached to their husbands, and are not confidential with them, and even though they possess all the external enjoyments of life, still have recourse to other men. A man who is of a low mind, who has fallen from his social position, and who is much given to travelling, does not deserve to be married; neither does one who has many wives and children, or one who is devoted to sport and gambling, and who comes to his wife only when he likes.” Yes, we find women who seem to be so loyal, kind and obedient to their husband, although they don’t have this real conection that we talked about. How is that possible? Well… it’s very much possible if these women are interested only in something else, not in the love of the husband, what will happen if the women themselves have no love for him. We all probably already saw or came to know about relationships where the man is much older then the woman, and he is rich, powerful, old and ugly and the wife is young, beautiful and full of desire for success and money. The man will show off his wife as if if he was “the guy”, cause he got such a beautiful girl. Maybe he thinks he got her because he’s very attractive, very intelligent or I don’t know what. But we also usually see these relationships don’t last too long and soon the girl will show off the money she took from him and her new boyfriend. Sometimes the same relationship based on different kinds of interest happen between men and women who are not big figures, but have much less to offer to each other. Maybe the woman is not a beautiful young model with a perfect body, but just an ordinary lady, and maybe the man is not a very rich and powerful one, but just an ordinary man, but still the woman might accept the relationship because he can give her something like a status of a married woman on the society, or a home and basic needs or whatever. One thing is certain, if there is not that real conection we were talking about, the relationship is a big lie, a big hypocrisy.
“Of all the lovers of a girl he only is her true husband who possesses the qualities that are liked by her, and such a husband only enjoys real superiority over her, because he is the husband of love.” That is a real superiority: when you have someone’s affection. A person who is love very often think of her/himself as servent of her/his love. As some men are very insecure since they know they don’t have too many qualities as men and as husbands, they need to rule through force or using traditions as excuse. Poor guys! Which other way could they use to control their wives or even just to keep them? Knowing they are not good enough to get someone’s real love, they prefer just to keep a fake relationship and in such a way that they feel they are respected and obeyed, so that they don’t need to deal with the reality that they are a failure who can’t evoke real feeling in a woman’s heart.